Momma Bear

I felt the first tinge of the "Momma Bear" feeling yesterday. It was Gabriella's 2 month appointment - which unfortunately meant shots. I knew they were coming, but we got such good news about how healthy she is - it wasn't on the top of my mind. Gabby is 11 lbs, 4 oz - up from 7 lbs, 8 oz a month ago! She jumped from the 25th percentile to the 60th! :) She is 23" long - which is the 75th percentile. Her foot is a getting better every day and shouldn't need any casting. The doctor gave her thumbs up and then came the worst moment of my 26 and a half years of life. The nurse came in and did her job - which unfortunately meant giving Gabby two shots in one leg and one in the other. It took about 5 seconds for it to register that those shots hurt but when she figured it out, she cried the most heart wrenching cry I have ever heard. It was absolutely awful. It was all I could do to not push the nurse out of the way. When I finally got to hold her, she was sobbing (and so was I...). I held her as close as I could. She settled down and slept for awhile on the way home. When we got there, as long as I held her, she was alright. I put her in the swing for awhile...she slept for an hour or so...When it came time for Ean to leave for class, it was like the floodgates opened. She cried even harder than she did at the doctor's office! It literally...LITERALLY made me feel the most helpless I have EVER felt in my whole life. I would have given the beating heart from my chest - the breath from my lungs - to take the pain from that little girl. It was absolutely the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I held her as close as possible and we just sat in the nursery, rocking, both sobbing....It was awful. I gave her some ibuprofen and about 25 minutes later, she finally fell asleep. But every time I stopped rocking, she would whimper...I would squeeze her and rock and she would drift off to sleep. I'll tell you what...As horrible as that experience was, it made me feel even closer to my baby girl. She is absolutely the most amazing baby in the entire world. We have been blessed far beyond measure and I am so grateful to our amazing God for this beautiful baby girl.

How my life has changed...

9 weeks ago, the most beautiful baby girl in the entire world graced us with her presence. Since then, my life has changed more than I could have ever imagined - all for the better! I'd like to take a few minutes and share a couple of things...Hope you don't mind. :)

1. Sleep...ha. What sleep? I used to love sleep...but now, I've just accepted that it's not going to happen for awhile now. Granted, she does sleep pretty well at night and naps pretty well throughout the day...and Ean will take a turn at night so I can keep sleeping....But nonetheless - I don't sleep NEAR as much as I used to. But you know, there's something about her sweet cry and her sweeter still smile that makes it alright. I mean, if I have to be awake....There's nothing I'd rather see!

2. Football. Those of you who know me know that football is my thing. I have been known to skip get events if I knew they were going to interfere with the Colts game...I mean, I've named my dogs after the Manning family after all! (Peyton and Cooper - no Eli yet...YET...haha) Anyway...Just a week ago, there was a game like none other...a game that I would have (in the past) watched from kickoff till the last second ticked off with NO INTERRUPTION. Yes, I am talking about the Manning Bowl. Giants v. Colts. It doesn't get much better! But do you know...I gladly left my post on the couch to give my baby girl a bath. And do you know, I never once thought, "Man, I wonder what's going on in the game??" The only thing I could think was, "How lucky am I?"

3. Mornings. I hated mornings. With fervent passion. As previously mentioned, I valued sleep...Mornings and sleep hate each other and I sided with sleep. But now? Morning snuggle time. Gabby usually wakes up anywhere from 5a-7a, ready for a bottle. When it's my turn to take her, I come out to the living room, plop myself on the couch next to Mr. Peyton and feed baby girl. Then comes my favorite part...The post-bottle good mood. :) Gabby is always happy and wide awake after her morning bottle. So we snuggle, we talk to each other, we play...whatever the mood strikes, we do it. She giggles, she smiles and my heart melts.

4. Spit happens. What can I say? I have now come to the conclusion that she's gonna spit...it's gonna go everywhere...and there's nothing I can do about that. Yesterday when we were trying to get ready for church - we had JUST put her dress on - and BAM. Spit up. So, we changed her into a different dress and we're good to go. The other day, she had some projectile spit up...and it covered me. Ha. 9 weeks ago, that would have completely grossed me out. Now...the first thought in my mind was, "My poor baby!!" so yeah....Spit happens. Nothin' you can do but clean it up and move on.

5. Priorities. This is the biggest and more important change for me. My priorities have completely shifted - as well they should have. My needs, my wants...they are dwarfed compared to Gabriella's. I am content with wearing last season's clothes if it means I can get something for her that she needs. I can wait another hour to eat if she's awake and wants to play. what I watch on TV has changed because her little ears don't need to hear certain things. The things I listen to in the car have changed for the same reason. I would give the beating heart from my chest to spare this little girl from pain or suffering.

Well, this isn't really even the tip of the iceberg...But Gabby is asleep again...and I do miss sleep a bit...so, I think it's time for me to sneak in a nap. :)

"Thank You, Lord, for blessing us with this precious gift. She has enriched our lives SO much and we are grateful. I pray that, in time, she will come to know You and will serve You all the days of her life. Amen."


Irresistible little smile!


Getting ready for church!



Snuggle!!!

Why do we act the way we do?

The Lord has been working on my heart lately. I feel like I've been hiding in a hole for the past several years of my life when it comes to living on fire for Christ. Sure, I say I want to follow Him...I say that I'd sacrifice anything...But have I been living that out? Not like I should. God is an all consuming fire....I should be living a life that reflects that. But it's so much easier to do what I want to do...and live the way I want to live. So here's the passage that the Lord really laid on my heart this morning (It's a litle lengthy, but worth it):

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might e done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law, but grace." Romans 6:1-14

The other one is: "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love..." Romans 12:9-10

So, let's look at this...First of all, if we have a relationship with Christ, we are dead to sin. Does that mean we continue to behave the way we did before we met Christ? Absolutely not. We should actually be doing the opposite! That means that there are things that we should not be doing or saying or watching....etc. Our language should be different, our attitude should be different, we should behave differently...pretty much everything about us should be different! And then, looking at the next passage...We should abhor what is evil...The Webster definition of abhor is: "to regard with extreme repugnance, to loathe." If something displeases God, we should ABHOR IT. We shouldn't want anything to do with whatever that "thing" is. We should be clinging to what is good...I'm just sayin'. For me, this isn't always easy. There's a lot of things that I want to do because they're fun...or a lot of things I want to watch because they're fun...There are things I want to listen to because it's fun or entertaining. But if these things don't honor God...I need to head the opposite direction! And if I'm not doing that...What does that say about my relationship with Him? Sure doesn't look good...in my opinion at least. Anyway. Those are my thoughts for today. I've got a number of things I need to correct, so I better get going on them.

2 Month Old

I am officially the mommy of a 2 month old baby girl...Wow. I cannot believe she has been enriching our lives for 2 months already! Even more so - I can't believe how amazing she is. The Lord has blessed us with one incredible baby. I have nothing really profound to say today - so, I will just end with a picture journal...Here my baby girl is from birth to present.

Day 1

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 5

Week 6

Week 7

Week 8

Breastfeeding Comes Natural....Ha.

So my next thought is on breastfeeding. From the time we found out we were expecting going forward, I KNEW I would be breastfeeding. It wasn't even a question for me! Why would I not give my baby exactly what God intended me to give her? Ean and I took the classes, read the books, bought the pump - I was READY. Everyone said it "just comes naturally" so I couldn't wait to get started on the bonding! Gabby was born at 10:35pm on a Monday night. She was exhausted bc of the pitocin and such, so she pretty much slept all night. We tried to feed a couple of times, but she really wouldn't wake up - despite my best efforts of stripping her to her diaper, using a cold wipe, etc. So, the next morning we tried again. She latched on - didn't really hurt - so I was pumped!! Except, then her sugars started crashing. See, I had Gestational Diabetes...So, when Gabby came out, she had too much insulin going on and couldn't regulate her own sugars. They told me they'd give it some time, but if they kept going this direction, we would need to supplement and she'd need an IV. Talk about pressure! So we kept going at breastfeeding. But her sugars kept crashing. All the LC's and breastfeeding gurus warned me about supplementing and said basically that I was a bad mom if I chose to do this. But let me tell you, when the doctors are telling you that your daughter's health is in danger if her sugars don't start to regulate....supplementing is the least of your concerns. So we supplemented using a syringe. Her sugars still dropped, so she ended up with an IV in her head. If I NEVER have to see her go through something like that again, it will be too soon. We continued breastfeeding and eventually her sugars regulated. Now, like I mentioned earlier - she was born on a Monday...We weren't able to go home until Thursday because of her blood sugars. I figured my milk would be in by then or at least shortly after. Boy was I wrong. Friday came...nothing. Saturday came...nothing. Finally on Sunday I started seeing signs of milk. Problem was, on Saturday at Gabby's follow up appointment (because of the sugar problem) she had lost even more weight. She was born at 7.3 and was now down to 6.6. I know, all you breastfeeding supporters out there are saying, "Well, breastfed babies gain slower than formula fed...it's no big deal." And I agreed with you. But then came Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Gabby was up EVERY HOUR feeding for a half hour at a time. Mentally, I was ready for this. Physically, I was exhausted. At our next appointment on Tuesday, she was down to 6.5! Finally called a lactation consultant after a short nervous breakdown and after I had convinced myself that I was starving my child. She came to the house, gave me a nipple shield and I thought all our problems were solved! I could TELL Gabby was getting milk. Thank goodness! Well, went to the doctor on Friday and she still hadn't gained any weight. Seriously?!?!? On top of that, she kept fighting the breast. And we hadn't even been using a bottle at this point! By this time, I felt like a failure - like the worst mother on the planet. I mean, what's the deal here! I can't even breastfeed my daughter correctly! I literally spent hours crying. But then I put my big girl panties on and realized I just have to do what's best for Gabriella. And if that means supplementing with formula - then so be it. It was almost 2 weeks after her birth and she wasn't anywhere NEAR where she should be! So, I started pumping, giving that to her in a bottle and then supplementing with formula. This went on for a couple weeks, but after almost a month of only getting 1 ounce per 30 minute session, I quit that too. I know, awful, isn't it? I should be turned in to protective services. But you know what? To all those mom's out there that want to rag on formula feeding....Take a chill pill. It's not always the way mom's want to do it - but when your body doesn't cooperate, you don't have much choice. I still get to gaze into Gabby's big beautiful eyes when she's eating. I still get to stroke her cheek and talk softly to her. And she's finally gaining weight. After almost a month, she made it back to her birth weight. And as for me...I have peace of mind. I tried. I tried hard. But I lost the battle with nature. I'm ok with that. And I'm pretty sure Gabby will be too.

Rediscovering Blogger...

So, hello blog world. It's been awhile. But since giving birth to the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world, I've often found myself missing the release of typing a long post. Not that I've had a lot of downtime lately, but since Baby Girl is swinging away and is very content, I thought I might be able to sneak in some thoughts.

I think I'll start from July 25, 2010. This was the evening before I was to be medically induced to deliver Gabriella. If I heard it once, I heard it a million times..."Better get some sleep tonight because you won't be for a long time!" Sleep? Please people. I haven't SLEPT since probably about March! My hip felt like someone was trying to rip it off my body and my belly protruded so far out I thought this little girl was going to WALK out! Not to mention, my mind reeled with thoughts and questions. "What is she going to look like?" "I can't wait to meet her!" "Will I be able to do this whole 'labor and delivery thing'?" And probably the most frequent question...."Are we REALLY ready for this!!??" But, ready or not, 5am was approaching fast. Every time I drifted off to sleep, I was promptly woken up with more thoughts and questions....So when 5am finally rolled around, I jumped up (well, maybe it was more of a crawl...) and called the hospital. They told me that they needed to push back our arrival time. WHAT?!?! Are you serious?!? Long story short, a LONG 4 hours later, we were in our room and ready to start the pitocin. The whole labor thing wasn't quite what I expected...The whole afternoon was really very relaxing...spent time with Ean and with family. But THEN they broke my water...and hello pain! Gabriella was finally placed on my chest at 10:35pm and I knew then that I would do ANYTHING to protect this little girl. I would give the breath from my lungs and the beating heart right out of my chest if it meant that she would be spared from pain. As I laid in the hospital bed that night and sat watching our new daughter sleep, I began thinking about what it must have been like for God to watch His Son suffer so much. I start sobbing like a fool when we're driving home and Gabby starts crying because she's hungry! I feel helpless and I'm just 10 minutes from home where I know I'll be able to make her pain stop! But God...He watched His Son suffer....and take on all the sins of the world and then DIE for the world. How His heart must have broken!!! This really got me thinking and seriously...He allowed all this to happen for ME. What did I do to deserve that?! NOTHING. I fail day in and day out. I am SO unworthy of God's love and mercy, but He gives it freely anyway! Why do I throw it back in His face??? Man, I've got to strive harder for purity and holiness.

So those are my thoughts for the day...I've had millions more since July 25, but you have to start somewhere. Next topic...Breastfeeding. Stay tuned.

Here's a picture of Gabby and me. :)