So, hello blog world. It's been awhile. But since giving birth to the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world, I've often found myself missing the release of typing a long post. Not that I've had a lot of downtime lately, but since Baby Girl is swinging away and is very content, I thought I might be able to sneak in some thoughts.
I think I'll start from July 25, 2010. This was the evening before I was to be medically induced to deliver Gabriella. If I heard it once, I heard it a million times..."Better get some sleep tonight because you won't be for a long time!" Sleep? Please people. I haven't SLEPT since probably about March! My hip felt like someone was trying to rip it off my body and my belly protruded so far out I thought this little girl was going to WALK out! Not to mention, my mind reeled with thoughts and questions. "What is she going to look like?" "I can't wait to meet her!" "Will I be able to do this whole 'labor and delivery thing'?" And probably the most frequent question...."Are we REALLY ready for this!!??" But, ready or not, 5am was approaching fast. Every time I drifted off to sleep, I was promptly woken up with more thoughts and questions....So when 5am finally rolled around, I jumped up (well, maybe it was more of a crawl...) and called the hospital. They told me that they needed to push back our arrival time. WHAT?!?! Are you serious?!? Long story short, a LONG 4 hours later, we were in our room and ready to start the pitocin. The whole labor thing wasn't quite what I expected...The whole afternoon was really very relaxing...spent time with Ean and with family. But THEN they broke my water...and hello pain! Gabriella was finally placed on my chest at 10:35pm and I knew then that I would do ANYTHING to protect this little girl. I would give the breath from my lungs and the beating heart right out of my chest if it meant that she would be spared from pain. As I laid in the hospital bed that night and sat watching our new daughter sleep, I began thinking about what it must have been like for God to watch His Son suffer so much. I start sobbing like a fool when we're driving home and Gabby starts crying because she's hungry! I feel helpless and I'm just 10 minutes from home where I know I'll be able to make her pain stop! But God...He watched His Son suffer....and take on all the sins of the world and then DIE for the world. How His heart must have broken!!! This really got me thinking and seriously...He allowed all this to happen for ME. What did I do to deserve that?! NOTHING. I fail day in and day out. I am SO unworthy of God's love and mercy, but He gives it freely anyway! Why do I throw it back in His face??? Man, I've got to strive harder for purity and holiness.
So those are my thoughts for the day...I've had millions more since July 25, but you have to start somewhere. Next topic...Breastfeeding. Stay tuned.
Here's a picture of Gabby and me. :)
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